Stop.
The line of 2nd graders stops abruptly, as the teacher reaches a darkened doorway. Some children were not paying attention, and bump into the one in front of them. This week, they are practicing alphabetization by lining up in order by last name. Stephens, M. collides with Roach, S. Mothkovich, K. collides with Lillstrom, A., to whom she was talking anyway and Lillstrom, A. stubs her toe on the heel of Leupkes, J. The Becker cousins are at the front of the line which is more closely monitored by the teacher, so they do not collide.
The teacher notifies everyone to remain silent by raising a hand with two fingers sticking up, and the line of 2nd graders knows to acknowledge this by mimicking the gesture. They know, as they have been knowing since Kindergarten, to imagine a string connecting their hand and their bottom jaw. When you raise your hand, the string pulls your mouth shut.
Drop.
26 little bottoms sit on the floor, where the grades K-5 have already gathered, as well as the other .5 of grade 2 (Ms. Duellman's) of the gymnasium to watch a special presentation about Safety, In General. How To Avoid Getting Killed In A Tornado. How Not To Get Hit By Your Own Bus Driver. Maybe, How To Properly Check Halloween Candy (always, let Mom and Dad do it). No one knows yet what the topic will be, but it will be How Not To ______, or What To Do In Case ______.
In the anonymity of the crowded darkness, Hiawatha Elementary can fart freely, especially after the movie begins and sound would be muffled.
Roll.
The movie plays, on a large projector wheel, and it makes the ticking noise as the tape unrolls. The man operating the projector is Mr. Cann, the big kids' science teacher who the 2nd graders all know about because Mothkovich, K. has 2 older sisters (J. and A.) in Junior High. Mr. Cann is known for his halitosis and also for doing cartwheels, to get people's attention.
The movie is of the philosophy that scaring children is the best way to keep them safe. They watch a little scene where a group of happy, backpacked children crosses a train track. But a train comes! And the projector screen goes black. Hiawatha Elementary hears an urgent train horn, backpacked screams. Then there is a heavy-handed dark silence which attempts to impress the seriousness of this scene onto the 89 little minds gathered. When the scene resumes, the children see an ambulance taking away a white sheeted body on a stretcher. Look. Listen. Live. is the motto of this scene.
Nobody farts. Gustafson, D. (of Ms. Duellman's .5) thinks about a baby rabbit he killed with his rubber tomahawk.
The Safety video is a double feature. After learning How To Not Get Hit By Trains, the elementary learns What To Do In Case Of A Fire. Children in the video demonstrate how to Stop. Drop. and Roll. They learn to feel the handle of the door to make sure its not hot. They learn what a backdraft is. Some of the older kids may even understand what a backdraft is, but the 2nd grade just knows it's really bad.
Look, Listen, Live, Stop, Drop, and Roll.
Point is, that this is what comes to mind when I come home from work and find gray smoke billowing out of my stairwell. I certainly don't panic, nor do I have a clear head. All I can think of are safety mottos I learned in grade school. And after the safety mottos come all the other mnemonic devices and mottos and acronyms . ROY G BIV, SQ3R, "The More You Learn." A equals half base times height. Elvis's Guitar Broke Down Friday, DARE To Keep Kids Off Drugs. I know to feel the handle of the door before I open it, to see if it's hot. It isn't, and I'm reasonably sure that there won't be any explosive backdraft. We rush in (courageously) to save the cat. Later, I'm sitting on the cold sidewalk, holding the cat whose nose is runny, and watching the now black smoke billowing out of the downstairs condo. I'm also humming the tune that helps me remember the "family password" we made long ago, In Case Of Emergencies.
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